Thursday, October 21, 2010

Stuck in NY OR Blessed to be Here?

When I traveled with my husband to NY for his work I completely intended to be back in FL well before my due date to give birth. As you know, that totally didn't happen. I have gone back and forth on my feelings about being here. At the moment I feel stuck and anxious to get back. I've asked God countless times why am I still here and why doesn't He just heal my daughter so we can leave. I know that I'm here for a reason, God has a purpose for everything even if I can't see why. That's why He's God, right? We are away from home and everyone we know. The lack of support is killing me. The medical bills are in the thousands because we have out of state Medicaid. We are struggling financially because Juan's work went back to FL without him. I don't feel settled here at all. This is NOT my home. Yet, this is where God wants us to be. Is it because the girls and I got better care here then back home? Or maybe we spoke into someone's life since we've been here. Maybe God wants to teach us something. I think all of these reasons (and others) are the right answer, but it's still a hard pill to swallow. Can you imagine wanting so badly to go home and then feel horrible because your daughter is fighting to breathe and all you can think about is how hard your life is.

I trust that God has our backs and will provide for us. We will come out on top, we will get home and the girls will be healthy. It just takes some reminding sometimes.

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