I never planned to be a stay at home mom. I always planned to get right back to work after maternity leave. That all changed when I decided not to complete my Graduate degree in Marriage & Family Counseling. Something just didn't sit right with me, as if my life was heading in the wrong direction. I love being in school and I enjoyed my classes, but I felt like the Lord wanted me somewhere else. My heart was being pulled towards becoming a mother. I couldn't stop thinking about babies! My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, thought I was crazy and said many times that we weren't ready for a baby. I started educating myself on pregnancy and Christian parenting instead.
A year and a half later I was no longer in school, wife to an amazing husband and mother to micropreemie twin girls. I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I didn't plan it would happen this way. As a family we struggled and fought against all odds. I am incredibly blessed.
Becoming who I am today and the experiences that led me here prompted me to begin a blog. I needed a place to express myself after the trauma and drama my family has been through. With my girls being born 3 months early I was lost and scared because I didn't know anything about being premature. everything I read was about babies developing to full-term in the womb. I read everything I could on preemies and asked the doctors in the NICU millions of questions. No amount of reading can prepare you for preemies.
When I brought one daughter home soon realized there were items that she needed that were not readily available to her. I couldn't go into Walmart or Babies R Us and buy a baby carrier, bottles, or clothes. She was too small for most carriers, her mouth was too small for most nipples and she was in-between sizes (too big for preemie and too small for newborn). It was very frustrating. I researched and found items that worked for her and saw that those items were at online stores owned by people who also had preemies. Another reason why I started this blog is because I want to make other preemie parents aware of what is available to them and what will work for their tiny miracle. I want to help minimize the fear, anxiety and helplessness that is associated with becoming a preemie parent. I still wanted my girls to be as typical a baby as possible and just because they are preemies doesn't mean they should be without the same items full-term babies have.
UPDATE 1/31/2012
Since being away from my blog I've struggled, cried, and even matured a little. When I left I wasn't in a good place. After much anger, bitterness and out of choices I started seeing a counselor at my church. Everything started to change. I went to a doctor and was diagnosed with postpartum depression (PPD). I was relieved to have a diagnosis and medication that would help me and it did, for a little while. The side effects from the medication urged me to get off and by the grace of God I'm sitting here medication free now for 4 months. During that time of depression I was a mess. If you've been there, then you know. My thoughts were constantly negative and I was sucking the life out of my little family. Praise God for people like my counselor. She's been a big help.
Since getting off the medication I've started putting myself back into my life. I'm reading books, trying to exercise and eat right, and most importantly taking time for myself, which could be as simple as taking a shower. It was important for me to take time to do things that interest me, which brings me to my blog. I like having a place where I can collect my thoughts and have an outlet. I know one day my daughters will read it and see all the things we've done as a family and about their mother.
This time around I hope to continue with the blog. In it I will share anything that I feel should be commented on. I imagine that the majority of posts will be my family, my life as a Mother Of Multiples, books I'm reading, and projects I'm trying to complete. Happy reading!
