A few days ago I was reading about the benefits of breastfeeding. It's not new information to me because I've researched it before while I was pregnant. When I was done re-reading I felt so guilty and selfish for not continuing to breastfeed my girls. It took me so long to start in the first place and then I threw all that hard work away. I didn't have the support I needed while I was in NY. With Mimi at home and Sasa in the hospital I couldn't breastfeed one and pump for the other and still cook and clean. So, formula took over. I felt guilty for it then and I feel the same now. That night I started to pump again. I'm so determined to give my girls breast milk again. It's so good for them! Especially since Sasa is still on oxygen, I think the nutrition form my milk will help her heal better.
I'm really kicking myself in the butt about this. Why did I stop? My decision was justified because I really couldn't do it all, but I could have let something else go instead of breastfeeding. the lesson I've learned, go with my gut. If I had paid attention to that guilty feeling, I would've figured out a way to keep pumping for the girls. Well, you live and you learn. Wish me luck on relactation!
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Breastfeeding Is Officially OVER!
I fought tooth and nail against what was going on inside my body so that I can start breastfeeding, well pumping, for the girls. I wrote about that experience in an earlier posting, Who Said a 2lb. Baby Can't Breastfeed?!?! I still believe breast milk is the best nutrition for a baby, but my battle with it is over.
Up until Mimi came home I was the pumping master, every 3 hours like clock work. Drank water like camel and ate all kinds of milk producing foods (oatmeal, broccoli, peanuts, and chocolate). I still didn't make enough milk for both of them, so they were getting half breast milk, half formula. I didn't like the idea, but they had to eat. When Mimi came home I tried to jump to breastfeeding her every feeding. That didn't work. I had to work up to it, so I fed her half and half and continued to pump. Taking care of an infant without help, bottle feeding her, pumping, cooking, and laundry, it was a mess. Mimi was terrible during her feedings! She was gassy, in pain, and textbook GERD. The doctor put her on anti-acid medication for the GERD and I tried 3 different formulas before I tried Similac Alimentum. Mimi was doing ok, but something was still off, she was still having a hard time eating. She wasn't getting enough to eat when I breastfed her for an hour or more. It just wasn't working. I was getting so frustrated, I was scared Mimi wasn't gaining weight or getting the nutrition she needed. I started to bottle feed her more, but pumping was becoming less frequent. One day I didn't have any thawed breast milk and gave her a bottle of full formula. She was a completely different baby!! That's when I started to give her just formula. Her feedings became peaceful, less frustrating, and I could feel that we were bonding instead of fighting.
I wish I could have continued breastfeeding, but there are a lot of things that didn't go my way from pregnancy to delivery to living in NY for 5 months instead of vacationing for 2. I guess that's what you call God's plan. You want and plan one thing, but His plans are so much better than ours. What's comforting is that I know He has my life in His hands and I couldn't trust anyone more than God to lead me and guide me. I know that He will provide for me and my family as He has done these 3 months my husband has been unable to work his normal job. I'm glad I was able to give my girls breast milk for the first 3 months of life. I have to do what I can with what I have. Maybe I'll pick it up again when I finally get back home.
Up until Mimi came home I was the pumping master, every 3 hours like clock work. Drank water like camel and ate all kinds of milk producing foods (oatmeal, broccoli, peanuts, and chocolate). I still didn't make enough milk for both of them, so they were getting half breast milk, half formula. I didn't like the idea, but they had to eat. When Mimi came home I tried to jump to breastfeeding her every feeding. That didn't work. I had to work up to it, so I fed her half and half and continued to pump. Taking care of an infant without help, bottle feeding her, pumping, cooking, and laundry, it was a mess. Mimi was terrible during her feedings! She was gassy, in pain, and textbook GERD. The doctor put her on anti-acid medication for the GERD and I tried 3 different formulas before I tried Similac Alimentum. Mimi was doing ok, but something was still off, she was still having a hard time eating. She wasn't getting enough to eat when I breastfed her for an hour or more. It just wasn't working. I was getting so frustrated, I was scared Mimi wasn't gaining weight or getting the nutrition she needed. I started to bottle feed her more, but pumping was becoming less frequent. One day I didn't have any thawed breast milk and gave her a bottle of full formula. She was a completely different baby!! That's when I started to give her just formula. Her feedings became peaceful, less frustrating, and I could feel that we were bonding instead of fighting.
I wish I could have continued breastfeeding, but there are a lot of things that didn't go my way from pregnancy to delivery to living in NY for 5 months instead of vacationing for 2. I guess that's what you call God's plan. You want and plan one thing, but His plans are so much better than ours. What's comforting is that I know He has my life in His hands and I couldn't trust anyone more than God to lead me and guide me. I know that He will provide for me and my family as He has done these 3 months my husband has been unable to work his normal job. I'm glad I was able to give my girls breast milk for the first 3 months of life. I have to do what I can with what I have. Maybe I'll pick it up again when I finally get back home.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Who Said a 2lb. Baby Can't Breastfeed?!
I decided before I was pregnant that I was going to breastfeed. My mother breastfed me and I wanted to do it for my children. There are so many benefits to breastfeeding for both baby and mom. When I found out I was having twins, I still wanted to do it (I've got two to use, right?) When the girls were born at 28 weeks I knew that breast milk was going to be essential to their development. It's the best food for them!
I had major complications with this delivery. I was unable to pump right away because I was in the recovery room for a couple of hours and I couldn't move much anyway. When I finally got a breast pump I pumped every 3 hours to stimulate lactation. When I was discharged I still wasn't making any milk. For a whole week at home I pumped every 3 hours and still no milk. I didn't know it at the time, but my body was host to an infection, which was delaying my healing and my milk production. I was re-hospitalized for the infection and stayed in the hospital for another week. To make a long story short, I struggled for a long time with the breast pump before I finally started getting milk in. I was so close to giving up. Again, I felt like a failure. Yet another way I couldn't provide for my girls. I prayed and prayed about it. then one day it happened, I was getting my milk in, and I was so relieved.
The girls were very small (1lb 11oz and 1lb 12oz) and in no position to breastfeed, so pumping my milk was the only way they could get it. They were fed through feeding tubes. They weren't able to breastfeed until they were 1 month and 11 days old. Akira was (and still is) bigger than Sakura so she was allowed to breastfeed. The doctors and nurses were against Sakura breastfeeding because of her size. She was 2lb 3oz. The lactation consultant said she would give it a try. Sakura breastfed like a champion. She was better at it then Akira! I was so grateful to Char and I thanked God for giving Sakura the ability to do it.
On August 27 2010 I breastfed for the first time. It was the most amazing experience ever! Finally I felt like I was doing something for my girls, providing for them, being a mother to them. I got all teary-eyed when I got home that day. I couldn't wait to do it again! New moms and moms-to-be I encourage you to breastfeed your children, preemies and full-term babies alike! You can find out more info about breastfeeding at www.llli.org
I had major complications with this delivery. I was unable to pump right away because I was in the recovery room for a couple of hours and I couldn't move much anyway. When I finally got a breast pump I pumped every 3 hours to stimulate lactation. When I was discharged I still wasn't making any milk. For a whole week at home I pumped every 3 hours and still no milk. I didn't know it at the time, but my body was host to an infection, which was delaying my healing and my milk production. I was re-hospitalized for the infection and stayed in the hospital for another week. To make a long story short, I struggled for a long time with the breast pump before I finally started getting milk in. I was so close to giving up. Again, I felt like a failure. Yet another way I couldn't provide for my girls. I prayed and prayed about it. then one day it happened, I was getting my milk in, and I was so relieved.
The girls were very small (1lb 11oz and 1lb 12oz) and in no position to breastfeed, so pumping my milk was the only way they could get it. They were fed through feeding tubes. They weren't able to breastfeed until they were 1 month and 11 days old. Akira was (and still is) bigger than Sakura so she was allowed to breastfeed. The doctors and nurses were against Sakura breastfeeding because of her size. She was 2lb 3oz. The lactation consultant said she would give it a try. Sakura breastfed like a champion. She was better at it then Akira! I was so grateful to Char and I thanked God for giving Sakura the ability to do it.
On August 27 2010 I breastfed for the first time. It was the most amazing experience ever! Finally I felt like I was doing something for my girls, providing for them, being a mother to them. I got all teary-eyed when I got home that day. I couldn't wait to do it again! New moms and moms-to-be I encourage you to breastfeed your children, preemies and full-term babies alike! You can find out more info about breastfeeding at www.llli.org
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