A few days ago I was reading about the benefits of breastfeeding. It's not new information to me because I've researched it before while I was pregnant. When I was done re-reading I felt so guilty and selfish for not continuing to breastfeed my girls. It took me so long to start in the first place and then I threw all that hard work away. I didn't have the support I needed while I was in NY. With Mimi at home and Sasa in the hospital I couldn't breastfeed one and pump for the other and still cook and clean. So, formula took over. I felt guilty for it then and I feel the same now. That night I started to pump again. I'm so determined to give my girls breast milk again. It's so good for them! Especially since Sasa is still on oxygen, I think the nutrition form my milk will help her heal better.
I'm really kicking myself in the butt about this. Why did I stop? My decision was justified because I really couldn't do it all, but I could have let something else go instead of breastfeeding. the lesson I've learned, go with my gut. If I had paid attention to that guilty feeling, I would've figured out a way to keep pumping for the girls. Well, you live and you learn. Wish me luck on relactation!