A few days ago I was reading about the benefits of breastfeeding. It's not new information to me because I've researched it before while I was pregnant. When I was done re-reading I felt so guilty and selfish for not continuing to breastfeed my girls. It took me so long to start in the first place and then I threw all that hard work away. I didn't have the support I needed while I was in NY. With Mimi at home and Sasa in the hospital I couldn't breastfeed one and pump for the other and still cook and clean. So, formula took over. I felt guilty for it then and I feel the same now. That night I started to pump again. I'm so determined to give my girls breast milk again. It's so good for them! Especially since Sasa is still on oxygen, I think the nutrition form my milk will help her heal better.
I'm really kicking myself in the butt about this. Why did I stop? My decision was justified because I really couldn't do it all, but I could have let something else go instead of breastfeeding. the lesson I've learned, go with my gut. If I had paid attention to that guilty feeling, I would've figured out a way to keep pumping for the girls. Well, you live and you learn. Wish me luck on relactation!
Showing posts with label formula. Show all posts
Showing posts with label formula. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Breastfeeding Is Officially OVER!
I fought tooth and nail against what was going on inside my body so that I can start breastfeeding, well pumping, for the girls. I wrote about that experience in an earlier posting, Who Said a 2lb. Baby Can't Breastfeed?!?! I still believe breast milk is the best nutrition for a baby, but my battle with it is over.
Up until Mimi came home I was the pumping master, every 3 hours like clock work. Drank water like camel and ate all kinds of milk producing foods (oatmeal, broccoli, peanuts, and chocolate). I still didn't make enough milk for both of them, so they were getting half breast milk, half formula. I didn't like the idea, but they had to eat. When Mimi came home I tried to jump to breastfeeding her every feeding. That didn't work. I had to work up to it, so I fed her half and half and continued to pump. Taking care of an infant without help, bottle feeding her, pumping, cooking, and laundry, it was a mess. Mimi was terrible during her feedings! She was gassy, in pain, and textbook GERD. The doctor put her on anti-acid medication for the GERD and I tried 3 different formulas before I tried Similac Alimentum. Mimi was doing ok, but something was still off, she was still having a hard time eating. She wasn't getting enough to eat when I breastfed her for an hour or more. It just wasn't working. I was getting so frustrated, I was scared Mimi wasn't gaining weight or getting the nutrition she needed. I started to bottle feed her more, but pumping was becoming less frequent. One day I didn't have any thawed breast milk and gave her a bottle of full formula. She was a completely different baby!! That's when I started to give her just formula. Her feedings became peaceful, less frustrating, and I could feel that we were bonding instead of fighting.
I wish I could have continued breastfeeding, but there are a lot of things that didn't go my way from pregnancy to delivery to living in NY for 5 months instead of vacationing for 2. I guess that's what you call God's plan. You want and plan one thing, but His plans are so much better than ours. What's comforting is that I know He has my life in His hands and I couldn't trust anyone more than God to lead me and guide me. I know that He will provide for me and my family as He has done these 3 months my husband has been unable to work his normal job. I'm glad I was able to give my girls breast milk for the first 3 months of life. I have to do what I can with what I have. Maybe I'll pick it up again when I finally get back home.
Up until Mimi came home I was the pumping master, every 3 hours like clock work. Drank water like camel and ate all kinds of milk producing foods (oatmeal, broccoli, peanuts, and chocolate). I still didn't make enough milk for both of them, so they were getting half breast milk, half formula. I didn't like the idea, but they had to eat. When Mimi came home I tried to jump to breastfeeding her every feeding. That didn't work. I had to work up to it, so I fed her half and half and continued to pump. Taking care of an infant without help, bottle feeding her, pumping, cooking, and laundry, it was a mess. Mimi was terrible during her feedings! She was gassy, in pain, and textbook GERD. The doctor put her on anti-acid medication for the GERD and I tried 3 different formulas before I tried Similac Alimentum. Mimi was doing ok, but something was still off, she was still having a hard time eating. She wasn't getting enough to eat when I breastfed her for an hour or more. It just wasn't working. I was getting so frustrated, I was scared Mimi wasn't gaining weight or getting the nutrition she needed. I started to bottle feed her more, but pumping was becoming less frequent. One day I didn't have any thawed breast milk and gave her a bottle of full formula. She was a completely different baby!! That's when I started to give her just formula. Her feedings became peaceful, less frustrating, and I could feel that we were bonding instead of fighting.
I wish I could have continued breastfeeding, but there are a lot of things that didn't go my way from pregnancy to delivery to living in NY for 5 months instead of vacationing for 2. I guess that's what you call God's plan. You want and plan one thing, but His plans are so much better than ours. What's comforting is that I know He has my life in His hands and I couldn't trust anyone more than God to lead me and guide me. I know that He will provide for me and my family as He has done these 3 months my husband has been unable to work his normal job. I'm glad I was able to give my girls breast milk for the first 3 months of life. I have to do what I can with what I have. Maybe I'll pick it up again when I finally get back home.
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