Our First Week Home!!! The Madness!!!

It's been a week since we have gotten home. It's been so crazy that I feel like I've been here for a month. Overwhelmed is not even close to how I feel. Sasa and I flew by medical transfer and got in at 6pm. It was a long day for us. Her oxygen tanks and apnea monitors weren't ready yet, so the EMT's had to stick around. When her equipment finally arrived I had to learn how to use it all. I was running on fumes by the time I finally went to bed. Thank God my friend spent the night with me. The next day we had Dr. appointments for both girls. I was so agitated, nothing was going my way, and nobody was listening to me. Everybody wanted to help, but I wasn't given the option of who can come and at what time. They wanted to be there for me, which is great, but I just wanted to be with my kids, my husband and Sasa's nurse. There were too many people, but nobody seemed to understand that. Moving on.

My house was a wreck for days!!!! My cat STILL had fleas. We tried to give him away to someone, but it didn't work out. My husband and I were getting bitten by them and we couldn't do anything about it. Finally I saw a flea crawling on Sasa's head Saturday morning and that was it. The only place that would take Britto, my cat, was the kill-shelter. I was heartbroken and felt so guilty for leaving him there. I was in tears on and off all day. I adopted him from a kill-shelter, only to put him back in one. He had a good chance of passing the initial tests and being put up for adoption, but he's not adopted in a certain amount of time he would be put down. They have killed over 11,000 cats this year already. I hesitated for so long to sign him away. I had him for 2 years since he was 2 months old and now I was sentencing him to his death. I always speak about him in the past-tense because I'm so sure that he was put down. He was such a loving and wonderful cat. the fleas were unbearable and the hair and dander is bad for my daughters lungs. I couldn't say goodbye to him without crying. I looked him in the eyes said "I love you", he meowed, and I left as quickly as I could. My father-in-law was with me and told me that just for a second he thought we were walking out of there with Britto. He also said that I made the right choice for my daughters, but why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel so guilty for leaving him there. I could've done better for him. So, later that day, we bombed the house to get rid of the fleas and spent the night cleaning and organizing.

Sunday we went to church after 5 long months of being away and what a great time we had. There were so many new faces!!! And some old ones, too. We took Mimi with us and carried her in my awesome BabyK'tan. She did so well! I put earplugs in her ears for the music and she slept the whole service through. It was so good to be back where we were familiar with.

Monday was another Dr. appointment for the synergis shot, which is VERY important for preemies to have. It protects them from getting RSV, which could be fatal to them. So glad we got that over with.

With all that has been done already, we still have things to do. It's never ending it seems like. I still feel horrible about what I did to Britto. Part of me wants to re-adopt him again. I still can't believe I did that to him. Sasa is not on a nebulizer yet and is increasing on  her nasal canula flow. Mimi is doing great, but she's a crybaby and keeps me busy. My house is slowly getting back to normal, but there is always something everyday. My air conditioner doesn't work and I live in FL, big problem. Finally, my hair is falling out and has gotten super thin. I can't go to the Dr. because Medicaid decided to close my case. Sometimes we just laugh at what is going on and we just keep on moving forward!!!

Wow It Just Never Ends!!!!

For those of you who know my story, you already know that I have had enough drama and trauma to last a lifetime. While waiting for my daughter to come out of the NICU we got a phone call from my friend back home who is house sitting. She started out with "I have bad news", not a good way to start a convo. My first thought was someone broke into the house. Thank God that wasn't it. I can't really handle anything else happening. I haven't mentioned my first child Britto, a 2 year old black and white cat that I've had since he was 2 months old. He has been shipped back and forth between houses and taken care of by different people, poor cat. On one of his trips he picked up fleas. He was bathed in flea shampoo when he was returned to my house, but apparently that didn't work. Now there are fleas in the house!!! Unbelievable, I know. Since my daughter will be coming home soon family and friends back home are rushing to get rid of the fleas.

I mean, really, can anything just go right so that I don't have to worry about it? I feel so bad about putting the burden on people back home. They have already done so much for us and I don't want them to be responsible for this as well. Getting rid of fleas is not easy! Thank God for the friends and family I have, I would go completely nuts about not being able to fix all these issues.

One thing that I have learned while being here is letting others help me. I hate asking for help and if I think I can do it myself then I will, if I can't then I will figure out a way to get it done. I've not only let other people help me, I've let them make decisions for me including what to do with my cat and what color to paint the girls nursery (that was a big one for me). But all is well and I'm still alive. It's ok to ask for help and to allow others to help you. Shout out to my friends and family who have made this incredible ride as smooth as possible. I love you guys!!!